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I had undertaken a project that I was beginning to feel was beyond my personal resources to accomplish. I had asked a friend and colleague if I might organize a workshop in the New England area that he would teach. After many months of collecting information, I was at the point of choosing and committing to a conference center. Next would come the advertising, invitations, mailings, registrations, etc. It happened many years ago in the early stages of my new career, and I was beginning to feel that I was in over my head. I began to wish I had never started the project but was afraid to say anything, because I didnt want to let my friend down.

This change of heart was difficult to acknowledge. I couldnt heed the internal signals that were telling me to stop because of the louder voice cautioning that I had started something that I needed to finish. Others were depending on me. Listening to the small Stop voice was dangerous, because I might disappoint people. It was easier to plow ahead, even if it meant discounting my intuition.

Still, that persistent little voice kept nagging . . .

I decided to call my friend and talk about it, not exactly knowing my goal for the conversation but trusting my intuition. Seeking approval is deeply rooted in me, and at the time it's pretty much all I cared about. But I'm glad I had the courage to call, because I received a great gift that continues to support me whenever Im faced with alternative paths.

The Gift

My friend answered the phone, we exchanged pleasantries, and I began. He listened. I think he understood immediately what was happening, and after a pause from me said just a few words: "Judy, go where your energy is strong."

Yes. It made sense. And it was really simple. Where was my energy strong? Not for this project at this time. It was taking my focus away from what I really wanted to do design and implement my own workshops. That's where my energy was strong. That's what I wanted to be doing, planning and thinking about. All at once everything fell into place.

It felt exactly like it does on the mat, practicing aikido a martial art that has become a metaphor for me in difficult situations. If you try to force the technique, it's all strain and stress and struggle, and you could end up getting hurt or hurting your partner. But when you move from center and follow your ki (life energy), the endeavor is effortless.

As I followed my ki, I knew I would stop the process I had begun, and that it was the right thing to do. Forcing the issue would have strained my resources and, eventually perhaps, the relationship. My friend understood before I did that the timing wasnt right.

I learned an important lesson that day from a gentle teacher. I try to remember to live by it and it still takes practice. Those who know me know that I call myself an "approval-seeking missile" not that it's necessarily a bad thing to want anothers good opinion. But now I'm able to notice if it is my dominant motivation and to let my center guide me. Sometimes I go ahead with the project anyway. I like to be liked after all. And sometimes I stop and take a look at my motives. Often there is a way to acknowledge and satisfy both my need for appreciation and the call to be true to my inner wisdom. I have learned to listen to myself.

Why am I struggling? Where is my energy strong? These are living questions. When you feel yourself resisting something, let these questions be your guide. Youll learn you have more power than you think.

PRACTICE:

2005 Judy Ringer, Power & Presence Training

About the Author: Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, containing stories and practices on turning life's challenges into life teachers. Judy is a black belt in aikido and nationally known presenter, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a more positive work environment. She is the founder of Power & Presence Training, and chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH, USA. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com

// posted by wgvx @ 7:02 PM