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Asking a man out to lunch is easy; I do it at least once a week. All right, the man is my husband, so it's no big deal. Evidently, though--from discussions I have had with my single girlfriends--this is an anxiety-provoking topic among many women.

I am not completely unqualified to answer this question. Back when I was single, I did ask different men to lunch on occasion. Yes, it was nerve-wracking. And yes, I plunged ahead and did it anyway.

You think men don't get sweaty and nervous asking a woman on a date for the first time, even just a casual lunch date? Being the asker rather than the askee has the great benefit of giving you direct experience of one aspect of being a male in our society!

Personally, I think it is a badge of societal progress that it's no longer a big deal for a woman to ask out a man. In my younger days, some people still looked askance at it. Certainly, for my mother's generation, it was practically unheard of.

Asking someone out to lunch is a great first step to becoming comfortable as the asker. It's a time-limited activity; both of you (presumably) have to get back to work after, say, an hour. There will be no awkward goodbyes at the front door of someone's apartment. It all takes place in daylight and in public, so there will be no pressure or expectations or even much possibility of taking things to a more serious or intimate level (at least for now).

So, here's how you do it: Call him up and ask!

Too flip an answer? Well, try this approach. First, spend a few minutes calming yourself--do some deep breathing if you need to. Get it firmly into your mind that you are an adult, he's an adult, and there's nothing wrong, unseemly or out-of-the ordinary for one adult to suggest to another that you meet for lunch.

Now, when you call him, say something along this line:

"Hi, Joe. This is Dawn. Listen, I was just thinking. I've been so swamped with work that I just need to get away from the office and get my mind off it all. I thought I would check out that new Italian restaurant for lunch today. I hear it's pretty good. I'm going to go at 11:30 because I have to be back here in time to get ready for a 1 o'clock meeting. I thought you might like to join me there if you don't already have plans."

Of course, don't rush through this little script. Adapt it to your own way of speaking, and pause to let him get a few words in, too! Make it more of a two-way conversation than I've shown it here. The most important part--aside from the actual suggestion of getting together--is the time limit you have placed on the date by mentioning the meeting for which you will need to get back. This lets the man know that it is not an open-ended invitation to while away the afternoon together--heck, this alone could take pressure off him! Also, it puts it within a business framework, even if you do not work for the same company. People have "business" lunches all the time, don't they?

Now, I know this is an article on asking a man to lunch, but briefly, let me throw out an idea for asking a man to dinner, a potentially more "serious" activity. If you are already comfortable enough with a particular man to invite him into your home, consider cooking a meal for the two of you--but with a twist you've probably never heard before.

For a dinner date, ask the man what his favorite restaurant is. He'll be expecting you to suggest going out to that restaurant. But instead, you tell him you will cook his favorite dish from that restaurant in your own kitchen. The way to pull this off is to do an Internet search for the recipe. If his favorite restaurant is one of the major (or even not-so-major) chains, you can even find e-books full of "secret" restaurant recipes that you may download for nominal cost.

Lunch or dinner, sharing a meal with a compatible member of the opposite sex is one of life's pleasures. Don't stress over it! Take it easy, keep it lighthearted, and you'll do great.

Sarah Sandori is the food and entertaining columnist for the Solid Gold Info Writers Consortium. Have you ever wanted to be able to exactly duplicate a favorite dish from a favorite restaurant? Check out Sarah's article where she reveals her source for the most mouth-watering secret restaurant recipes in America: http://www.solid-gold.info/most-wanted-recipes.html

// posted by wgvx @ 8:22 PM